*Insert Friendly Greeting Of Choice Here* *Insert Holiday Of Preference Here*

Listening to: "Invisible and Silent" by Covenant

Ahh, the holidays. Times of extreme consumerism, of generic sleigh bell noises in every commercial, of people whining and moaning over all that is not PC, of going to the mall on the 26th and getting into fistfights with soccer moms while returning those ugly pajamas your grandparents got you, of spending all your money on presents for people so that you're out of lunch money until February. Unless of course you're smart like me and you get them something small and cheap, plus something handmade and cheesy.

....Oops. Well, now you can all do the same for me. Or you can get me something nice, whichever you please.

Anywhoositz. The holidays. Love 'em or hate 'em, and chances are you do both, they are upon us once again, and I feel as though there are some issues involving them I must address. The first is this: Christmas carols. Yes, that's right, I said the C-word. No, not THAT c-word, you dirty minded freaks. I say "Christmas" because, with the exception of Adam Sandler's "The Hanukkah Song" (which barely counts anyway), Jews and Muslims and People-Who-Celebrate-Kwanzaa and atheists and whoever else are lucky enough not to have to put up with these infernal things. Forgive me if you disagree, but now that I've moved out of childhood, 95% or more of all Christmas carols annoy me so much that make me want to stick forks in my ears. Jingle Bells, White Christmas (racist much?), Little Drummer Boy, Rudolph The Reindeer Who Got A Sinus Infection...they're so frickin' catchy they won't leave your head. And they play them EVERY YEAR, with increasing frequency and for a longer period of time every year. Granted, a few of these, such as "O Holy Night" and "What Child Is This?" are either beautiful or epic or moving enough to be tolerable or even likable, but nonetheless the majority of these songs tend to piss me off every year with their annoying-ness. Add that to the fact that most of the lyrics DO NOT MAKE ANY SENSE, and I become rather Scrooge-like once the Christmas carols are dusted and taken off the radio shelves to be added to the playlists. Or, more accurately, brought up from a computer file. Whatever.

On the subject of the PC police, let me say that I am more offended by people saying "Happy Holidays!" to me than I would be if someone with halfway-decent eyesight told me "Merry Kwanzaa!". (A brief note on my absurd pastiness: I make cream cheese look like it has a tan.) This is AMERICA. Our founding fathers built our nation on the concept of FREEDOM OF RELIGION. By telling me that I will offend people by saying "Merry Christmas!" to them, and that I must instead say "Happy Holidays!", my choice of religion is being suppressed in the name of...freedom of...religion? Oh freedom of speech, too, that's a double whammy right there. The point is, Freedom of Religion does not equal Everybody Act Like You're Atheist. It means, or at least it SHOULD mean, Believe In Whatever You Want And Don't Let The Government Tell You Otherwise, even though it tends to be translated as Pretend Like You Don't Have A Religion And Sacrifice Your Freedom Of Speech So That You Don't Offend Anyone Mmkay?. Let's all try something like this next year: I should be able to say "Merry Christmas!" to a Jewish person, they should be able to say "Happy Hanukkah!", and we should both appreciate the kind wishes given to each other and turn off our Givudam's to the fact that we come from different religious backgrounds.

But then of course that would eliminate a cause for randomly suing the pants off of people, which isn't very American now is it?



Merry (belated >_<) Christmas and Happy New Year!