I understand that the majority of you contain what is known as the Y-chromosome along with limited amounts of testosterone, so I will try to use the kind of language you understand best as I say this:
Dude, this whole acoustic thing is like, so frickin' gay*.
I mean, don't get me wrong, bro, I know us chicks dig the whole "sensitivity" thing. But seriously man, there's like, two chicks in the class, including me, and I feel like I'ma gunna puke or somethin' every time some puny kid with his acoustic guitar gets up there and sings about how "I didn't mean to hurt you honey" or "tomorrow's coming too soon" or some crap like that. Your MOM can make "music" like that, man! Let's put the rock n' roll back in it bro! C'mon, you know what I'm talkin' about! We need a loud, fast drummer and some solid-body electric string-things and somebody who puts the vol. back in the vox man! This is what it's all about! Lose the overdone high school emo crap and pick up some originality at the lyric store while you're there! You gotta grow some where it counts and step up to the plate! Dude, do you WONDER why yer gettin' bored sittin' there listening to one presentation after another (or why the crowd's acting bored listening to YOU)? D'ya need a clue why they all sound the same? Well it's probly cuz they DO, man! So stand out in the crowd! Take a chance, crank it to 11, and wake them suckers up! I mean, yeah, bro, we got a couple o' guys who know their stuff, who can pull it off, but fer those who can't, well, there's too many of ya anyway. So cut the crap, write some REAL riffs, shred them solos, and bring it back already!
.........O__o.......
....Okay I can't do this anymore, my brain hurts. But you get the idea. When I take over the world, one of the first things I'm going to do (after I do away with all inedible forms of tomatoes and shut down the RIAA and FCC, that is) is set up a system requiring you to have a special license to use any kind of musical instrument. You will have to attend 50 hours worth of classes over the course of a year. There will be specific requirements for those trying to obtain an acoustic guitar. Besides being able to actually PLAY the thing well, with SKILL and MUSICALITY, you will have to write and submit suitable lyrics and pass a vocal test to prove that you can use it the right way. There will be a computer chip permanently placed inside each acoustic guitar which will be able to sense if you are in violation of anything that is against Good Musical Taste, and if it does, oil (or liquid Axe depending on if there's such a thing as oil by the time I've taken over the world) will seep from every pore in the wooden body of the guitar and you will have 3 seconds to step away from it before it self-destructs and bursts into flames. Officials will arrive at your home to check your license before they suspend it until you can prove that you know how to use your instrument properly. If you are caught without a license, you will be arrested and the maximum sentence will be 5 years in a specialized Musical Correction Facility. Students working to obtain their license will receive instruments that do not burst into flame, but those with a permit will have a chip which will instead feature a clip of the vocalist from Aphex Twin** angrily scolding you in surround sound for your impudence. And I don't mean hitting a wrong note or something, that happens to everybody. I mean intentionally and deliberately playing in a style which is offensive to the ears of people over the age of 12 (and I will admit that what I considered "music" when I was 12, 13, even 14, is now mind-numbingly abhorrent to me, now that I am the wise, mature, and sophisticated age of just-barely-16). I know this may sound totalitarian, obsessive, and unreasonable to you, but it's actually quite sensible, and it really is for the benefit of all.
That's what I thought.
There is hope, though. I can think of about 3 or 4 people from my 2nd hour off the top of my head who could feasibly pass this test. Then again, especially considering one of them is the teacher, those aren't very good odds. It does worry me, though, that this could be the future of music. That these...people...*bites tongue*...could be the ones rising from the underground and into the mainstream. I guess it's been that way for awhile now, though, but honestly...I had hope for my generation. I don't know how many sweets I was on when that hope formed, but it was there nonetheless, and it dwindles even now. Some of my friends have lost all faith in the entire NATION'S music scene, or even contemporary music entirely. I wonder if they're right. I wonder if it can be saved at all. I can't do it alone, by any means. The only thing that really sets me apart is my determination to BE set apart. That has nothing to do with whether or not I have any musical ability, although I like to believe that I do. But in the long run, someone will eventually have to wake up and realize that what they've been listening to/creating isn't all that original or heartfelt or worth listening to. And then they'll dare to dig deep and pull out something that's totally new. And, if it's done well, people will flock to that because they've never heard anything like it. In a perfect world, that is, which this is obviously not. Rather, people are afraid of leaving their little genre-boxes, afraid to listen to something new, afraid they won't like it. I've been there. I've half-written many a less-than-half-decent song. But I'm listening to more and more new things and trying to expand my ears as much as I can. I'm not saying everyone should go experimentalist with it, but everyone has the potential to create better things than they have been lately, and I'm
And with that, I wish the best of luck to you, my fellow classmates, as you learn and grow in your musical experiences. And if I ever take over the world, I wish you the best of luck on the survival of your sanity. You're going to need it.
Love or earplugs,
>>Madison<<
(*"Gay" is another one of those words that is used too much and usually in the wrong context. If something's stupid, say it's stupid. If a person is a homosexual, they are gay. I'm not lesbian or bi or whatever but it's pretty much the same thing as racism when you refer to something as being "gay" when it's not actually gay, you just don't like it. I was obviously using it to be sarcastic, although in this case, it could probably be taken literally. ~_^)
(**If you've never heard of Aphex Twin, go to YouTube and type in "aphex twin come to daddy" and click on the first video you see. Some might call it "FREAKY/SCARY!!!", but if you ask me, it's a great, danceable little tune.)
Listening to: shtuffz you ain't nevah heard uv bahfore.
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